Introduction: When Your Number Becomes Who You Are

In Sales, you can hit your number.

Everyone claps. You get kudos on email. Your VP or Board nods with that “you’re safe for another quarter” look.

But inside, you feel… nothing.

Just a mix of two dominant emotions: relief and exhaustion.

You should feel proud - but all you can think about is the next quarter, the new target (the new threat to your worth).

After all, you have a family to support and a dream to chase.

And deep down, a common question subconsciously starts to whisper:

“If I’m not hitting target, I am miserable, so who am I really?”

That question haunts a lot of Tech Sales people - especially mid-career. They’ve proved themselves for years. They evidently have the skills and know their craft.

But the higher they climb up the Sales ladder, the heavier it gets.

So why do smart, capable salespeople end up tying their identity (who they are) to their number - and slowly lose themselves in the process?

The Problem: Success Has Become A Cage

Let’s be honest - the sales world expects obsession and hustle.

We’ve all heard the performative: always be closing, crush quota, hit targets, and my favourite - “You’re only as GOOD as your last quarter.”

We’re made to feel like we should always be on, that we should always be pushing forward, and that switching off is a weakness.

But underneath that constant grind is a constant loop of pressure, comparison, and conditional worth. And by mid-career:

• Every target achieved boosts our self-esteem.
• Every target miss chips away at it.

And the line between you and your results blurs until you can’t tell where one ends and the other begins.

If you hit target or not - that is what dictates how you feel and how you live.

This isn’t just a work issue - it’s an identity issue.

We’ve all said things like:

“I’m behind this quarter.”

“I’m having a bad year.”

“I can’t stop thinking about deals outside of work.”

It’s as if our results define our value as a person.

But what’s the consequence?

We live in a constant state of primal survival mode - always scanning for threats: a bad forecast, a tough call, a comment from a leader, a new competitor. We become reactive, tense, and impatient with ourselves and others.

It’s not burnout - it’s usually before it. It’s something that builds quietly, and it’s corrosive to our wellbeing.

It’s called living in a system that constantly asks for proof that we are enough.

The Insight: The System Isn’t Built for Humans

Here’s the uncomfortable truth about Sales that I realised during my 12+ years in the game and from coaching hundreds of hours with Sales people:

Sales is an unnatural environment for the human brain.

Combine this with the modern world of social media.

You face more rejection, uncertainty, and evaluation in one week than most people throughout history and evolution face in a year.

Certainly way more than our evolutionary brain is built to handle.

And that constant exposure messes with your psychology.

• Rejection triggers the same brain regions as physical pain (Eisenberger & Lieberman, Science, 2003).
• Uncertainty spikes cortisol and drains the prefrontal cortex - the part of your brain that handles focus, empathy, and decision-making (Sapolsky, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers).
• Evaluation - being constantly measured - activates threat responses even when you’re performing well.

Now look at that through the lens of the modern sales culture:

Leaderboards. Dashboards. Weekly check-ins. Daily standups. Company-wide deal reviews. Gong call recordings. End-of-quarter fear.

It’s no wonder many reps develop performance-based self-worth - a term psychologists use for when your confidence depends on achievement.

And here’s the annoying feedback loop:

• The better you perform, the tighter the loop that forms.
• Every win raises the bar of internal and external expectation.
• Every success adds pressure to maintain the image.

We’re praised for the exact same behaviours that quietly drain our peace of mind.

This isn’t weakness - it’s conditioning.

The Sales system trains you to equate self-worth with output.

But if performance is your only proof of value… what happens when performance dips?

For some, they seem to handle this naturally.

But data suggests 90% of salespeople experience feelings of burnout (Gartner).

Meaning most struggle.

This is when self-doubt, overthinking, and shame flood in.

Not because the salesperson lost skill - but because their brain doesn’t know who they are without their placement on a leaderboard.

The Method: How to Rebuild Self-Worth Without Losing Performance

This is where the Sales L.O.O.P.™ Method comes in - a system designed to help sales professionals manage themselves, not just their pipeline.

It’s about managing who you believe you are.

Listen → Organise → Optimise → Perform

It helps you separate who you are from what you produce.

It’s how my clients build confidence from the inside out - separating the Seller from the person.

It’s how they build self-trust, not constant proof.

(And yes - it helps their number too.)

1. LISTEN - Spot the Story You’re Living

Every Sales person runs on stories - about success, struggle, value, and worth.

But most never stop to ask:

“When I succeed in Sales, how much of my self-worth is tied to that result?”

That single question builds awareness of what’s truly going on.

Once you see how tightly your identity is wrapped around achievement, you’ll realise why you’re constantly tense, distant, and struggling to switch off.

In psychology, this is called self-schema - your mental blueprint of “who I am.”

If your schema says “I’m only as good as my last quarter” or “I’m only enough when I hit target,” your nervous system never switches off.

By learning to listen to your story, you start separating truth from conditioning.

Remember that you are far more than your achievement against target...

2. ORGANISE - Choose Who You Want to Be, Not Just What You Want to Do

Once you’ve surfaced the story, reorganise your focus.

Instead of asking “How do I hit my number?”, start asking:

“What qualities do I want to be known for, regardless of the result?”

It sounds soft - but it’s neuroscience.

You’re retraining your brain to focus on input, not outcome.

When we orient around values - consistency, discipline, integrity, calm, confidence, courage, curiosity - our motivation becomes intrinsic, not extrinsic and conditional.

We move from external validation to internal direction. It's far healthier AND better for performance.

3. OPTIMISE - Turn Values into Daily Practice

Insight without action changes... nothing.

You may have heard: “neurons that fire together, wire together.”

Ask yourself:

“What’s one small daily action that reflects the person I want to become?”

It might be:

• Leaving work on time to protect family time.
• Speaking up in a meeting when you’d usually hold back.
• Starting your morning without checking your phone.
• Doing a solid hour of PG every single day.

These micro-behaviours shape identity.

Research (James Clear, Duhigg, CBT) shows that small actions provide evidence for your new story.

The key is to remove friction - make it easier to live the value than to abandon it.

The goal isn’t perfection or outcome.

It’s alignment and consistency with who you want to be.

4. PERFORM - Reinforce the New Story Through Reflection

Action matters. But here’s the secret most high performers miss:

Progress isn’t entirely in the doing - it’s in the reflecting.

At the end of your day, ask:

“Did I show up as the person I wanted to be today?”

That 2-minute reflection is enough.

Honest reflection strengthens your new self-concept.

Neuroscience shows reflection activates the default mode network - integrating experience (what you do) into identity (how you see yourself).

The more consistently you do this, the faster your brain says:

“This is who I am now.”

That’s how you build unshakable confidence - not by chasing the next number, but by proving to yourself daily that you’re aligned with who you want to be.

The Transformation - Redefining What It Means to Win

When you detach your self-worth from your number, something powerful happens.

You rediscover space and calm - mental, emotional, strategic.

You stop carrying every forecast and target on your shoulders.

You start sleeping better, being present, thinking clearer, and showing up focused - not frantic.

Your performance doesn’t drop - it becomes sustainable.

Because you’re no longer running from fear - you’re operating from purpose.

That’s what true calm confidence looks like.

“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become.” - Jim Rohn

And Jim didn’t mean that in a “law of attraction” way - he meant from intrinsic value alignment.

The irony is, when you stop trying to prove yourself against your target, you actually perform at your best.

Why?

Because calm, confident sellers that feel good

Beat frantic, anxious sellers that don’t.

Ready to Find Your Calm, Confident, and Consistent Performance Again?

Take the free Sales Reset Scorecard to see where your purpose, fuel, inputs, and outputs are leaking.

It’ll show you exactly how to start rebuilding your operating rhythm - so you can sell more, stress less, and get back to being you.

Bonus: Complete the Scorecard and get a free 30-minute clarity session with me to discuss your results and next steps.